i probably qualify as schizophrenic. and then i've got this ability to mentally block out things that i don't want to think about. i used to think it's great. but does it really impede the healing process like people say?

all these walls of self-defence don't work anymore coz my selection process is obviously screwed. but i can take a lot of shit from people i look up to. i get the feeling you should be ok and the thought gives me peace of mind.

if it's meant to be, it'd all work itself out. otherwise, what's the point of forcing the issue?

being able to think rationally is probably the only thing that's keeping me sane. though it's 3.30am and i'm having trouble organising my thoughts.

dark epic music and sad lyrics rule. but i never said i wanted my life to be like that.

i wonder if crying would help.

but the tears won't come.