i probably qualify as schizophrenic. and then i've got this ability to mentally block out things that i don't want to think about. i used to think it's great. but does it really impede the healing process like people say?

all these walls of self-defence don't work anymore coz my selection process is obviously screwed. but i can take a lot of shit from people i look up to. i get the feeling you should be ok and the thought gives me peace of mind.

if it's meant to be, it'd all work itself out. otherwise, what's the point of forcing the issue?

being able to think rationally is probably the only thing that's keeping me sane. though it's 3.30am and i'm having trouble organising my thoughts.

dark epic music and sad lyrics rule. but i never said i wanted my life to be like that.

i wonder if crying would help.

but the tears won't come.

ok it's been a tough week but things have cleared up. i still wana strangle you for putting me through hell. but im really glad you're ok. dengue is no joking matter. i just wish you'd let me know during, instead of after. sigh. we learn and move on. if nothing else, the incident only intensified the feelings. i duno why i worry so much, this emotional rollercoaster is turning me into a wimp pffttt. my own intensity spooks even me sometimes.

the best thing to come out of this. needing distraction, i completed the 1000-pce jigsaw in 2.5 days. tadaa! fats is v proud of me :)

4hr-marathon jam tmr night, marc + LJ + chris for the cover band project, then with chris' other band. 1st session last week was friggin awesome. chris just blew everyone away with his vocal prowess and we're doing incubus and soundgarden! sweeeet. damn high. like demons let loose from hell that day haha. it should be indecent to have this much fun. i volunteered for chris' other band sorta as a gesture of goodwill since he decided to join us. plus i think he writes good songs. but now i wonder if i've overcommitted myself.

another session on sun with the power metal band side where marc & LJ are also involved. things are progressing nicely. momo is comin outa retirement! excited. just the vocalist spot left to fill and we're ready to fly. then we're having band outing - steamboat buffet! haha. the boys really make an effort to bond together and it's nice to belong. should start taking pictures and chronicling the whole adventure.

hmm then there's still the PESS band, which is currently the only one actively gigging, and for that reason i wana keep it going as long as i can manage. less exciting music for sure, but gigging is important for sharpness. oh well. 

sometimes i marvel at my suicidal tendency to overbook for the band projects. but it's always been the case that not everything works out. im pinning my hopes on both projects with marc & LJ.

and then i wonder where im gona find the time to learn all the songs, do all the work required of me and still find time for the really important people in my life. and so we recite this to ourselves every day.

"time is like cleavage; squeeze and there will be some"

and oh, i love incubus bassist ben kenney! probably even more so than robert deLeo. such sexy basslines them both. ahhhhh.